John Mark FALKENHAIN. How We Love: A Formation for the Celibate Life. Collegeville, MN: Liturgical Press, 2019. pp. 235. pbk. ISBN 9780814687963. Reviewed by Pablo MUNOZ ITURRIETA, Dominican University, Ottawa, ON

In this book, Br. John Mark Falkenhain, OSB, a Benedictine monk and clinical psychologist, provides a well-researched and thorough program and practical guide for celibacy formation for men and women, adaptable to both religious and seminary settings.

The book is centered around two fundamental questions: “How well-formed is someone expected to be before entering seminary or religious life?” and “Where do we expect them to be just before final profession or ordination?” Yet, in order to be able to answer these questions, formation directors should be aware of the benchmarks that indicate the desired progress, and should also be able to provide the tools to help those in formation continue to grow in the celibate life once the period of initial formation is complete. Thus, this book provides a comprehensive framework for elaborating a program for celibacy formation that is adaptable to both diocesan and religious formation and is in line with the directives of the Magisterium of the Church.

Celibacy has as its ultimate goal the gift of self, that is, being more loving, and more capable of laying our life down for others. In order to achieve this, Falkenhain argues that a candidate should go through a process of self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and self-gift, all this in a spirit of faith. The program laid out in the book points to the essential elements that need to be taken into account in the process of celibacy formation.

The book is divided into four major sections, articulates specific formation goals for each area, and gives direction on identifying who is responsible for the work to be done. The first section explores the motives that a potential candidate may have for the celibate life. How healthy and sustainable are they for a life of fruitful celibate chastity? Section 2 explores the different facets supporting celibacy in the context of diocesan life, apostolic religious life, monastic and contemplative life, and the missionary experience, and offers a model for pursuing theological reflection on the celibate life as an important means of transformation, conversion, and perseverance. The third section of the book explores sexual identity, and the need to integrate one’s sexuality into the larger identity as a celibate man or woman. The final section explores five major skills necessary for living the celibate life: affective maturity, the establishment and maintenance of effective boundaries, community as a source of support and accountability, coping with romantic and sexual attraction, and the capacity for solitude.

There are also two more chapters that are directed more specifically to formation personnel, and cover topics such as the structuring of a formation program, and the need for ongoing formation.

The program for celibacy formation offered by Falkenhain is comprised of objective, research-based recommendations drawn from a wide variety of sources, including Catholic Church teaching, official documents on priestly and religious formation, research on the state of celibacy formation in the US, research on factors contributing to perseverance in priesthood and religious life, research on factors contributing to clergy sexual offense, and thorough reviews of the scientific literature on issues related to sexuality and sexual identity.

Since research has shown that formation directors are generally not prepared to offer instruction and guidance on issues related to human sexuality and sexual identity, this timely book is a superb resource, and, I would venture to say, a “mandatory” reading for bishops, vocations directors, seminary formators, and those discerning or living the celibate life.